Self-Love | The Subtle Art Of Being Selfish

Practicing Self-awareness

by KB BlackStone | Nov 10, 2018 | Mindfulness, Self-awareness, Self-Love

Our world is constantly bombarded by information provided by media, entertainment on TV and social media. This content is created and broadcast to keep us informed and entertained – and it’s doing an exceptional job at doing so.

We are so entertained and distracted by media that many of us have delayed doing the things that would improve our lives. Instead, we spend hours, days and even years doing things that add no growth or value to our lives.

Consequently, we complain that we have no time to devote to ourselves for self-improvement. We say things like, “there’s no time to do that”, “there’s no time to work on that project” or “I have no time to develop a financial plan.” Unknowingly we stop ourselves from doing the things which may bring us the happiness we are looking for.

Why do we make so many excuses for not doing the things we know would improve our lives and make us happier?

As we experience life we develop and incorporate behaviors and habits, good or bad, as a part of being conditioned by external factors. Conditioning occurs through the interaction with our environments and is the root of learned behavior.

We have been conditioned by media, old philosophies and traditions taught and passed down to us by our parents, family and in our schools. Some conditioning at one point in time had its place, but no longer serve us currently. The lives we live are not our own; instead it is the life that has been pre -designed by external factors, rather than our own internal factors. This is causing us to go through life on auto-pilot and living a life of unhappiness.

Take Control

If we are to get the “good life” we must take control of our lives in the areas of Health, Wealth and Happiness. We have more control over our lives than we think. The power to create our own beliefs, philosophies and traditions is within our control. Our happiness can be determined by our decisions and actions.

Where to Start?

Every one of us needs direction and balance in life to gain true happiness and receive the “good life.” Here are some steps to start your journey:

First, understand and recognize that if you continue to make excuses and procrastinate you will only delay your happiness.

Second, decide to quiet the noise in your life. Find a quiet place to control your thoughts and evaluate where you are and what you want in life.

Third, get clarity and develop a sense of purpose in life. This will help to provide a road map for your life.

Finally, ACT! Begin to actively and consistently charge forward using the road map as a guide, which will keep you on course and direct the path of your life in the areas of health, wealth and happiness.

Patience Required

It’s important to note that you should be very patient with yourself during this process. It may take some time and may even be painful to address but will help you design your best life. Making a decision to commit and building a life influenced by internal factors rather than external factors, is how we regain control over our life instead of letting life control us.

Social Media Influence

by KB BlackStone | Oct 28, 2018 | Mindfulness, Self-Love

Social Media like anything that is over consumed and uncontrolled can eventually become an issue for some. Social media has provided the perfect platform for connecting with long distant family members, networking and catching up with childhood friends.

However, when we are not living the life we want we welcome distractions and reasons to take our minds off of what is currently going in our lives.

When does social media become an issue?

When social media distracts us from making progress in life whether in our relationships, with family, work or school – it can have serious consequences. Rather than working on our own relationships, many of us prefer to admire and comment on relationships we see others have. It does not matter if it’s a family member, friend, social media/reality TV star or even someone we don’t know.

We watch the timelines of others having a good time in parties, traveling to exotic locations or spending large amounts of money on material things. Comparing ourselves to others we begin to feel as if we are not living the life we think we should. Constant bombardment of timelines where people are posting themselves experiencing the “good life” gets us thinking. Finally, we make a decision to start “enjoying” life more because we too deserve to experience these same things.

To achieve these experiences or material things, we decide to spend money we don’t have and misuse credit to buy things that bring temporary excitement. Ultimately putting ourselves into debt and farther away from our dreams. In some cases, we compare ourselves to others and decide we are unhappy with our bodies. As a result, we resort to medical procedures to achieve the body we want without the effort to achieve it ourselves.

Becoming more dependent on external things and people we no longer look inside of ourselves to achieve the goals we want. Developing a microwave mentality for our lives – wanting quick results with little to no effort.

Stop Comparing

Social media can be a great tool and outlet, but when we start comparing ourselves to others a host of issues can appear. Often times we don’t know the full story of someone’s timeline. In many cases, material things and temporary moments of excitement act as a band-aids covering deeper wounds of unhappiness.

Only when we actively take control of our lives, confronting our issues head on, can we dictate our path to success and happiness. Making consistent decisions that propel us toward our goals and making progress in life and in our relationships is how our timelines become the envy of others.

Decisions Determine Our Future

by KB BlackStone | Oct 16, 2018 | Health, Mindfulness, Self-Love

We often make decisions in our lives, big or small, with no regard to the repercussions of our decisions. Every decision made collectively makes up and determines where we will be in the future. You are where you are right now because of your decisions. For example: If we consistently make a decision each day to eat a healthy meal and exercise we are making a conscious decision to feel and look healthy for the future. Chances are we feel healthier and happier with our body or the progress we are making toward the body we want.

Alternatively, if we are consistently deciding to eat and drink things that are loaded with sugar and we decide not to exercise, we are making a decision which will be detrimental to our future.

Weight gain, health issues and dissatisfaction with our appearance are just some of the repercussions of our decision.

What are you trading for your life?

Every day we are trading our lives. It’s just a matter of trading for a less fulfilled life or one that is fulfilling. We trade our lives for a less fulfilled life when we consistently choose to eat foods that are detrimental to our health, associate with negative people who add no value to our lives or participate in activities/events that take us further away from our goals. Consciously considering and weighing whether our decisions are a benefit or detriment is how we begin to develop a new behavior. This new behavior will result in trading our lives for better choices, a brighter future and a fulfilled life.

What can we do to help ourselves?

In order to break a behavior we first must acknowledge and evaluate the behavior we want to change. Effectively and consistently taking action to improve ourselves or our circumstances is the recipe for change. During this process we are sometimes hard on ourselves and or doubt enters into our mind – don’t be. Whenever we attempt to change a longtime behavior we are attempting to train our mind to think differently about something we are familiar with. Fighting through doubt and surrounding yourself with people who are supportive is crucial. What we tell ourselves can encourage and move us forward, or demotivate and stop us. Our thoughts create our reality and so we must make a decision to tell ourselves that we can and will accomplish our goals.

Asking for help

#Self-love includes seeking out those things or people that will help us get through our issues or get us to the next level when we are unsure of how to get started. Making a decision to create for yourself an environment that will nurture and grow you in the areas of happiness, health and wealth is the best trade you can make to live your best life.

Thoughts Create Our Reality

by KB BlackStone | Oct 6, 2018 | Mindfulness, Self-Love

When we begin to get interested in making a change in our lives why does it seem like we never make any progress?

Starting any new behavior or habit has its challenges; but when we begin to think about the new habit as too big of a challenge we defeat ourselves before we get started.

Constantly thinking about the process or the steps necessary to make the change causes us to make up excuses as to why we will not complete the task or challenge.

The late Dr. Wayne Dyer phrased it this way:

You create your thoughts,

Your thoughts create your intentions; and

Your intentions create your reality

Are You Interested or Committed?

When we are interested we do what is convenient or easy. The thing we are interested in is not a priority to us. However, when we are committed we will do whatever it takes to bring about change – there is an urgency.

An urgency, for example, is receiving a prediabetes diagnosis with the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes unless you change your eating habits.

Some of the things we say to ourselves when we are interested are:

“There is no time to go to the gym”

“I eat fast food because it is convenient and close to my job”

“Because of my past experiences I’m afraid to commit to any relationship.”

Convincing ourselves we will fail because someone else attempted to take the same action and failed is a major indication that we are only interested in a thing.

Never taking action or remaining stagnated is a byproduct of only being interested and not committed.

The truth is, fear is a leech and actively sucks our dreams and ambitions away causing us to never experience the good that the future has in store for us.

As we adapt to our environments we become comfortable going through life on auto-pilot knowing what our outcomes will be or knowing our destinations – this is safe and feels familiar.

How To Make Progress

We will make progress when we deactivate the auto-pilot feature that we have encoded in our mind and actively direct our lives onto the new path.

Forgetting past failures or identifying those failures to make sure we don’t repeat them, is a prerequisite for taking on new habits or making any change for the better.

Evaluating where we are at the moment and keeping our thoughts in check will help us tailor our plans for growth and success.

Blocking out outside noise and negativity, all the while encouraging ourselves will help to propel us forward.

Venturing into the unknown is no easy task and so we must be patient with ourselves.

Similar to our muscles which require resistance to grow, the resistance we experience when beginning any new thing will only make us bigger and stronger.

The more we enter into the unknown the easier it will become to take control of our destiny.

In his book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg provides massive research and gives deep insight regarding our habits and how to make change.

Put Your Oxygen Mask on First!

by KB BlackStone | Oct 2, 2018 | Mindfulness, Self-Love

Upon entering a plane and settling into your seat, you are given instructions by the flight crew before takeoff. As part of the instructions you are told that, “Should the cabin experience sudden pressure loss, oxygen masks will drop down from above your seat. Place the mask over your mouth and nose.” This mask is said to be the first thing you should put on before anything else, including attempting to help another person.

Why do airlines feel the need to stress and emphasize putting your mask on first?

If you decide not to heed these instructions the consequences can mean the difference between life and death. Without the mask you slowly begin to lose oxygen which causes you to lose the ability to recognize faces and shapes and eventually you pass out. How helpful can you be if you can’t breathe and become unconscious – not helpful at all. So how should you react if you are in the care of someone during the emergency who can’t fend for themselves? A small child? The husband and wife? or the elderly? It’s quite clear – PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST! You will be capable of focusing (pun intended) and taking better care of others, especially those you love.

The same applies to our daily lives. We are taking on so much and doing so much for others but are neglecting ourselves. We feel as though there is not enough time in the day to get things done. The truth is, we are not prioritizing our needs and wants. If we plan on being helpful to our family, friends or society, let’s make sure we have enough oxygen to save ourselves and then help others.

We must become more self aware and get out of the vicious cycle of just going thru the motions – just surviving – but not thriving. Living life as Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog day. If we are to stop this cycle and make change, we have to start doing things differently to bring about change – just like in the movie.

Neglect: Are You The Sacrificial Lamb?

by KB BlackStone | Jul 22, 2018 | Depression, Happiness, Health, Mental health, Mindfulness, Self-awareness, Self-Love, Women

As a modern society we have so many things vying for our attention.

Whether its work, relationships, kids, parents or social media – people and things are always chipping away at our time. This time lost has resulted in neglect.

Neglect is subtle, and when left unchanged, slowly hurts and even kills many people. We must stop this NOW!

What is Neglect?

Neglect can be defined as the result of carelessness, indifference, or unwillingness. Neglect can also mean the failure to care for properly (verb) or the state or fact of being uncared for (noun).

How does this happen? Neglect

creeps into our lives daily as we

consistently put off our basic

human needs.

We will make necessary sacrifices for those we love or care for, but won’t do the things necessary to nurture and grow ourselves. When we put our needs and wants on the back burner we effectively deny ourselves self-love. This is not as honorable as some may think and in the long run hurts those we love.

In relationships we sacrifice for our spouses; as parents we sacrifice for our children, despite the children being independent; we sacrifice our time with our spouses and children for our aging parents; and finally, as employees we sacrifice our time, energy, our peace of mind and even our health for our employers or our businesses.

It’s

Time

for

change!

Many are unknowingly walking around with anxiety and depression and don’t even know it!

Neglect shows up in many areas of our lives. It shows in the way we treat ourselves; what we eat; what we tell ourselves regarding the relationships we have; our attitudes; our appearance and even in our beliefs.

The vicious cycle of neglect, where we tell ourselves “one day” we will do what we really want, has to end. Such neglect examples include statements like:

“One day” we will start our diet or make that lifestyle change.

“One day” we will take time for ourselves and go on that vacation.

“One day” we will get the job we desire or start working that business idea.

Time is precious, and neglect steals time away from us and stops us from achieving the happiness we deserve.

The truth is we can’t keep telling ourselves that we are happy taking care of others while we drown in our own emotions due to neglect. Everyone wants and should experience life at its optimal level. The only way we can begin to see change is if we start taking better care of ourselves, by putting us first!

Better care of ourselves means better care for those we love.

We are more in control of our lives than we think. It is within our own power and in our own best interest to take immediate action now and turn the neglectful saying of “one day” into a prosperous “TODAY!”

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